The dreaded question….

May 31, 2013 By Cassandra
This post may contain affiliate links.

The dreaded question has now been asked – the one that I knew was coming but was dreading all the same:

Mam, you know how I’m sensible and stuff and I’m almost grown up, well, I think I’m ready to walk home from school myself. Is that OK?

Actually no, it’s far from OK because I’m not ready for it myself yet.

What I wanted to say was this:

I like knowing that when I drop you off at breakfast you can’t escape until I come and get you and then I bring you home so there’s no danger of you getting lost / run over by a car / approached by strange people / attacked by a dog / abducted by aliens or any one of the million and one other things that could possibly happen to you in the half mile walk home. You will not be walking home on your own without me until you are at least 15!

But what I actually said was:

Hmmmm, I’m not sure. I’ll see what your dad thinks.

So now I have to think about what I’m going to say.

We live about half a mile from the school and the only main road has a lollipop lady so she’ll be OK in that sense but it’s not just about road safety is it? There’s all sorts of other dangers out there that no matter how sensible she is, can’t be controlled.

I’m a worrier anyway and the thought of her walking home from school on her own does scare me. A lot. But at the same time, I know that at her age, I was walking to and from school on my own and I’m still here.

She’s ten (eleven in September) going on eighteen and she’s very independent and pushing to do more and more all the time – it’s a fine line between making sure I don’t over protect her and giving her too much, too young.

I need some advice, what would you do?

Comments (22)

Logging you in...

Dashboard | Edit profile | Logout

Logged in as

0 Vote up Vote down

frugal queen · 618 weeks ago

Difficult, We used to live in the city centre of Plymouth and both of mine went to school on their own. I walked the route with them day after day and then let them go (both in juniors - about 8). I needed clean knickers on the first few occasions. Youngest went abroad on her own at 16 and both left home at 17 - when they flap their wings you can't stop them flying - but I understand how you feel xxxxxx

1 reply · active 615 weeks ago

+1 Vote up Vote down

Cass@FrugalFamily 96p · 615 weeks ago

It's so hard isn't it - knowing you have to let them go but really, really wanting to keep them safe with you. We've compromised and she's walking to the car herself (where I'll be with Master F) and in September, I'm going to let her do it on her own.

0 Vote up Vote down

Mum Reinvented · 618 weeks ago

Oh dear, good luck with that one! I often get asked this and if there were other children walking the same route I may well say yes but there aren't. I had said she would have to wait til high school but thanks to the way the school years work that's two years away despite it being September if she was still at her old school so I may well have to adjust my thinking and give her a bit more freedom. If you're picking both kids up from the same school though there isn't much point to picking one up and not the other so you could always use that as an excuse ;-)

1 reply · active 615 weeks ago

+1 Vote up Vote down

Cass@FrugalFamily 96p · 615 weeks ago

That's exactly my point - I'm there anyway and I have the car as it's on my way home from work so why walk home when no one else lives as far as we do (there's a much closer school but she was already at this one when we moved).

I'm so jealous of the extra two years you have ;-)

We've managed to compromise and she's now walking to the car on he own (where I'll be with Master F) and in September, I'm going to let her walk it on her own - AAAAGH

0 Vote up Vote down

Claire · 618 weeks ago

My 9 year old son walks to and from school on his own however it is just a 3 minute walk from our front door to the school with only 1 small road to cross directly in front of my house. Like your daughter he is a very sensible young man so I trust him not to talk to or go off with strangers. At the end of the day only you can make this decision. If you are not quite ready to let her do this yet maybe come to a compremise and tell her when she turns 11 she can start doing it. I think if she is a sensible young lady as you say and it is only half a mile 11 is a good age. This way she has something to look forward to and it gives you a bit of time to prepare yourself. Another thing you could do which I did with my son for the first 2 weeks is give the school a quick ring after registration to make sure she has got in safely and this will put your mind at rest. Good luck with what ever you decide to do it certainly is a hard one.
Much Love
Claire xx xx xx

1 reply · active 615 weeks ago

+1 Vote up Vote down

Cass@FrugalFamily 96p · 615 weeks ago

That's a great point Claire - I think I was worrying a lot about not knowing whether she was safe or not until I saw her again after school but I will just give the school a quick ring for the first few days. We've compromised for now and she's walking to the car herself (where I'll be with Master F) and in September, I'm going to let her do it on her own. Thanks for your thoughts x x

0 Vote up Vote down

Kate · 618 weeks ago

Hmm it's a tricky one. I was given a house key at 11 in the summer holidays before going to senior school. Up to that point, my Mum always walked me and my sister home from school. I have friends whose top-year-junior children walk home but not usually alone - usually in twos or threes.

1 reply · active 615 weeks ago

+1 Vote up Vote down

Cass@FrugalFamily 96p · 615 weeks ago

That's the next thing on her list - a house key. I think that 11 is the right age for a key for her and we've compromised about walking to school for now so she's walking to the car herself (where I'll be with Master F) and in September, I'm going to let her do it on her own.

+1 Vote up Vote down

Pippad 123p · 618 weeks ago

We started letting Tops walk home after School earlier last year (Start of the current school year) as she went to an after school club and trying to work out the right time to pick her up was a nightmare! Then again we live so close to the School that we could spit and it would land in the playground... however her Dad wasn't happy. He thought she was too young, but at 9 I was walking two miles to School crossing three main roads so I'm probably more of a risk taker than he is!

Maybe start small to reassure yourself, one walk home a week and then two and then three and then four and five and then sending her out on the weekend just to make sure you don't relapse ;)

Good luck! P xx

1 reply · active 615 weeks ago

+1 Vote up Vote down

Cass@FrugalFamily 96p · 615 weeks ago

Ooh I could build myself up gradually couldn't I?

I thought I was more of a laid back parent but apparently not lol. We've made an agreement that she can walk to the car herself (where I'll be with Master F) and in September, I'm going to let her do it on her own.

0 Vote up Vote down

@spicers1976 · 618 weeks ago

I am trying to think when I let 18yo start walking home from school alone. I think she was 10, but we reasoned that it wasn't every day and she was never to walk home alone. If I knew no-one was walking with her then I would pick her up. Sometimes I would drive up to school and just say "I was on my way home so thought I'd get you on the way" or some other excuse.
It's hard to let them go, and reading what frugal queen has written above about leaving home at 17, I'm not ready for 18yo to leave home yet lol, that scares me, so I can relate to how you feel with the walking home.

1 reply · active 615 weeks ago

+1 Vote up Vote down

Cass@FrugalFamily 96p · 615 weeks ago

I suspect it's going to be one decision after another for the next few years for us and they're going to get harder - I can't even bring myself to think about leaving home yet lol

+1 Vote up Vote down

jacqwat 32p · 618 weeks ago

Is she year 5 now? In that case I'd say she can start walking on her own when she's in Year 6. And I'd shadow her for the first week or two. She sounds an awful lot like my eldest and very sensible and it sounds a safe enough route.

1 reply · active 615 weeks ago

+1 Vote up Vote down

Cass@FrugalFamily 96p · 615 weeks ago

She is in year five now and we've agreed exactly what you said - starting year six she can walk home on her own. Aaaagh

0 Vote up Vote down

Nikki · 618 weeks ago

Weve let our Yr 5'er start walking to and from school this year- but its with lots of rules.
He walks with a friend.
His friends gran and I both set them off from the end of our street & we meet them there at home time.
They have to walk a set route (no detours) & they have to wait for each other.

My thinking behind it is that he will be starting secondary school in 2014 (that takes my breath away when I say it) so Id rather take small steps towards him gaining that independence than having it thrust upon us suddenly.

Hes been doing this since Sept (start of Yr5) & normally if his friend isnt available to walk home I go to the school to walk home with him - however the other day his friend wasnt going to be able to walk home that night, so asked my son did he want to walk home alone, or would he rather I came to school to meet him. He initially said (all full of bravado) that hed go it alone. As I set him off that morning I double checked with him and he said 'actually can you come and meet me?' That was a lovely moment for me! Its horrible letting them go, but its more reassuring when youve let go a bit more than you want to then they come back to you when they feel a bit out of their depth.

Hopefully thats the right way to do it- both of you feeling your way bit by bit along the right path for you both :)

1 reply · active 615 weeks ago

+1 Vote up Vote down

Cass@FrugalFamily 96p · 615 weeks ago

Aw that's lovely that he wanted you to come and meet him and proves you were right to let him do it with his friend - he sounds very sensible. My problem is that none of her friends or even anyone in the school live this way as we moved house after she started but didn't want to uproot the kids so they're at a school further away than the other kids around here.

We've compromised though and she's walking to the car herself now after school (where I'll be with Master F) and in September, I'm going to let her do it on her own. Dreading it but like you say, there's going to be enough change when they go to secondary school without having to get used to that aswell!

0 Vote up Vote down

Utterly Scrummy · 618 weeks ago

I'm in the same position, my middle daughter is 10yo and wants to do the same. We have a busy road to cross that is controlled by a traffic light crossing and it isn't too far to school. I said I would let her walk on ahead of 6yo and I for a couple of weeks. That way I can make sure she is sensible and safe before she does it on her own. I explained that to her and that I needed time to get used to it, even though she is probably ready. She was happy with that. This week will be the first time she walks on ahead of us. It should be interesting for all of us.

1 reply · active 615 weeks ago

+1 Vote up Vote down

Cass@FrugalFamily 96p · 615 weeks ago

I hope she did well ;-)

We've agreed that she can go it alone from year 6 but for now she can walk to the car herself! I'm dreading those first few days when she is walking alone though!

Good luck with yours x

0 Vote up Vote down

Nikki Thomas · 618 weeks ago

That made me smile as I use the 'mmm I'll speak to your dad' line a lot too. It is a really tricky time this age as they are ready to be independent and probably more ready than we are. Ultimately if you think she is sensible and ready maybe you need to trust her, maybe say you will let her go half way to begin with or do it on a 'trial' basis and see how it goes. I ha e to drive my lot to school which is a pain but it has it's plus points

1 reply · active 615 weeks ago

+1 Vote up Vote down

Cass@FrugalFamily 96p · 615 weeks ago

It's my best buying time phrase lol

We've compromised for now so at the minute she's walking to the car herself and in September, I'm going to let her do it on her own with me shadowing her for a few days (although she doesn't know this bit yet) x

0 Vote up Vote down

Gemma · 617 weeks ago

Hi I am not a parent but I wasn't allowed to walk home alone from School until I went to Secondary School aged 11. I would suggest that you give that to her as an option. Or suggest that she walks home along one day a week and you collect her the rest of the week if she is really pushing for it? Good luck :-)

1 reply · active 615 weeks ago

+1 Vote up Vote down

Cass@FrugalFamily 96p · 615 weeks ago

I do like the one day a week option - break us both in gradually.

Thanks very much for the idea x x