The Friendship Dilemma….

August 17, 2011 By Cassandra
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I have a bit of a dilemma. Miss Frugal has a friend who lives on the same street as us but doesn’t go to the same school (thankfully), since the start of the school holidays they’ve been playing together more than usual. The problem is, I really don’t like this little girl and I would much prefer that they didn’t play together as much.

I know that not all children will behave as I expect my two to behave but I can’t stand it when children lie or when they bully others and this little girl does both. From what I can tell, she’s lovely most of the time but can be quite mean and has reduced several of the other little girls in their group to tears lately, she’s also been mean to Master Frugal a few times although she’s never mean to Miss Frugal. She tries to stop the others playing with her and Miss Frugal and I do know that she’s lied to me at least once. I won’t go into much more detail as I’m not really comfortable talking about another child on the internet but suffice to say, I have my reasons for not liking this little girl.

I’ve had a chat with Miss Frugal and she is well aware that this little girl can be mean, she knows it’s wrong and says she won’t be tempted to act in the same way but for some reason she still wants to play with her. I don’t understand why but after asking for some advice on Twitter, I’m trying hard to let her make her own decisions in the hope that she’ll realise what this little girls like soon enough and if not, they’re back at school in a few weeks when she’ll more than likely be back playing with her own school friends. If all else fails, the nights will be drawing in soon and it will be too cold for the kids to play outside too much

I’m sure she’s not the last of my children’s friends that I won’t approve of but she’s the first one – Am I doing the right thing to let them continue playing together or would you put a stop to it?

Comments (10)

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Barenakedmummy · 711 weeks ago

There is a girl on our street who is 13 (6 yo than Bel) and she is a bully , a troublemaker and nasty and talks to the other girls that Bel plays with about smoking etc.
I have told Bel that next time she is out playing and that the girl is there too that I'm calling her in. I have told her its becuase she is not a nice girl and older than her and that we don't want her playing with her. Luckily I am not the only mother in the group of 3 friends that play on the street that has this opinion and we've said that next time she is there the girl must come into play
I think you do what you deem is best to protect your children, no matter what!!

1 reply · active 711 weeks ago

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Cass@FrugalFamily 96p · 711 weeks ago

I think you\'re doing the right thing, she sounds awful and I wouldn\'t want her near my two either. Six years is a huge age gap at that age isn\'t it even without her being a bully and a bad influence.

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@shell1207 · 711 weeks ago

I feel the same way about some of the children my girls play with.__I tend to let them play with whoever they choose but if they start being mean to them or to others, I advise them to find someone else to play with or play in garden without them.__I'm always telling my girls not to take part in any nastiness that might hurt another child's feelings. I just hope they're actually listening when I tell them and not letting it go in one ear and out the next!

1 reply · active 711 weeks ago

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Cass@FrugalFamily 96p · 711 weeks ago

That\'s the main thing I say, never take part in anything that could upset someone, I really hope that she is listening to me. I think you\'re oding the right thing - let them make their own decisions but keep a close eye out.

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Kate · 711 weeks ago

I know just how you feel, we're having a similar problem (kind of!) at the moment but ours is with my friend's daughter who is the same age as L. My friend is always trying to push them together to do things but while L is happy to see her once in a while she doesn't like spending too much time with her because my friend's daughter takes the mick out of L for liking to read and draw, calling it 'sad'. She is 9rs old, has a mobile phone, facebook and wears those tiny bras and has got a real attitude. They also go to different schools so i'm thinking well its only another couple of weeks (we see them twice a week) but my friend keeps on about L going there for a sleepover or O coming here but L is all "No mum, please don't"!

Not got any real advice other than to keep a close eye on things and keep talking to Miss F about the situation and if things get worse ie. she starts being mean to Miss F then stop them playing together. Hope you resolve it, take care xxx

1 reply · active 711 weeks ago

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Cass@FrugalFamily 96p · 711 weeks ago

Aw bless her, at least she\'s not wanting to be like her I suppose. I don\'t understand why parents let their children have Facebook at that age, it just seems ridculously uneccesary doesn\'t it?

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supo · 711 weeks ago

If they're a similar age I think all you can do is point out to your child hwta you dont like about the other child's behaviour and hope that your child makes the decision not to follow suit. Perhpas the otgher child will learn from your child's behaviour instead. However I have stopped my child from playing with a local child because this child is older, bigger and constantly-not occasionally mean....often violent to the younger ones. My daughter came home with a black eye the other day from having objects thrown at her by this bigger child. :( I think some times you DO have to step in and stop contact

1 reply · active 711 weeks ago

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Cass@FrugalFamily 96p · 711 weeks ago

I completely agree and I would have done the same as you in that situation. Some children are just awful.

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Trayci · 711 weeks ago

When they are small you have a stronger hold in being able to decide who they play with and also in setting the except-able behaviour that will be with them for life. As they reach teenagers however the ways of dealing with things change dramatically! No more you can't or I don't want you to, as this is a red rage to a bull and they dig their heels in even more. My youngest and I have honest frank discussions which lead to her making her own decisions. Thankfully they are more often than not the right ones!

X x http://pleasemayi.blogspot.com

1 reply · active 711 weeks ago

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Cass@frugalfamily · 711 weeks ago

I'm dreading the teenage years but i like to think i'll deal with things the same way as you - by talking things out and trusting that they make the right decisions. My two are stubborn as well so to say no would make them want it more!